Slow progress

Yesterday I did go on that walk, and it was very enjoyable. I still felt very irritable and put-upon the rest of the day, but I realized this morning when I woke up that my mood had lifted considerably. I could tell, because as soon as I got up I started thinking about things I wanted to do today — finish a book, go to the library, do some laundry, work on my blogs, etc. Perhaps even do some creative writing. For the past several days there has simply not been anything that I really wanted to do, other than sleep. The spasms of self-loathing are still there but are not as intrusive.

Even with this improvement, I’m still irrationally disappointed that all the therapy and medication don’t guarantee that I will feel great all the time. I feel like chucking the whole thing — cutting off my nose to spite my face, as my parents would say. Sometimes it seems like enduring the ups and downs is worse than the downs themselves. It’s harder to feel depressed when you’ve had a period of feeling not just not-depressed, but really good.

~ by irishtraveller on March 12, 2007.