Current treatment

After nine years of no medication, I started on Lexapro when I consulted my GP after a week of feeling absolutely crazy (panic attacks, not eating, not sleeping) last summer. He referred me to a psychiatrist. Because I broke down in tears at every monthly visit, she referred me to a therapist whom I’ve seen twice a week since last fall.

I’ve been in therapy many times, but never twice a week, and for a long time I thought they thought I was really bad off. When I was feeling much better and wanted to cut back to once a week sessions, my therapist was very skeptical but agreed to try it. Within about 10 days I was back on the twice-a-week schedule.

Later my psychiatrist said that they had found that twice-a-week therapy just works better. Issues don’t “scab over” between sessions. I have to admit they have a good point there.

My Lexapro has been increased once, from 10 mg to 15 mg. I take Ativan to sleep, and occasionally I take it if I feel very panicky, but that hasn’t happened in a while. I haven’t slept well in several years, and I hate sleeping pills. Ambien is a wonderful pill for sleep, but it makes me weepy and is very hard to withdraw from. So Ativan it is.

A little about me…

I am female, mid-forties, white. I grew up in the Midwest and now live near the Blue Ridge Mountains. I have a husband and two children. The first time I remember thinking that something was different about me, that I was much, much sadder than normal, was when I was about 10 or 11 years old. I have been hospitalized twice for depression. I have taken Sinequan, imipramine, Prozac, Paxil, and Effexor. I now take 15 mg of Lexapro daily and an Ativan at night. Sometimes I feel really good. Sometimes I feel really bad. Sometimes I don’t feel.